destroying the world

2010-02-05T13:11:00.001-08:00

I'm sure
I am noone now
From this moment

I'm sure this all
Just says to me
'Deal with what life gives, never ask for more'

I'm sure
That dreaming never ends up good
No matter what heart says, it lies

I'm sure
That I'm too weak
And I enjoy being like this

I am sure
That's my mistake
That's something wrong in me
I am
sure

my butterflies die

2010-01-24T09:36:00.000-08:00

I imagined your breath
When the air around was cold
So softly it melted the ice

I had your fire burning here
I heard your voice whispering
So softly it melted the ice

I heard silence that was not a killer
When closing the eyes did hurt
An illusion that freezes me
on the inside

Where I left my hopes
With fallen teardrops
Where ended the illusion
freezing me on the inside

Why the birds sing their lullaby
That seems to be their last one
So softly it freezes their hearts

How the wings are this heavy
That you can't fly at all
So softly it freezes their eyes

How come I am alone here
When that seemes you're mine
That's how
my butterflies die

half-tricky, half-referencely

2009-12-26T12:35:00.000-08:00

It seems like I can't even fight for a thing, can't make myself do a thing, often i do not keep the promises I made even to my own self...
I want my hair to be bright purple. Or blue. Or green. So noone in this world would think I am steady and calm.
It seems that I am weak and hysterical. I'm getting even more sure about that when I get into a trouble. Those situations also prove to me that I can't fight for anything.
I want my eyes to be brightly green. Cat's eyes. Shining in the dark. Then people would fear me even more. And then there would be an explanation to it. Cause then I would look like if I am absolutely not calm, not even a steady person.
It seems that I can't even explain a thing and talk half-tricky, half-referencely, not understanding that people only stay silent cause they haven't understood some words, and sure, have no idea what the whole phrase might mean.
I want the sky to be bloody red. With lilac. Raspberry pink. And violet. So not a single thing in this lights would somehow remind me of a real world.

lose you (in a movie)

2009-12-26T12:34:00.000-08:00

What if we were in a movie?
In one of those
where life is always
pretty harsh
with everyone -
It seems like we are
And it
only plays with us
It fakes the life
Bizarre
Weird
Fictitious

I wish someone of those
who watches the movie
To finally convince me that this all
will somehow happily
be ended up
I can only hope
that will

I thought
that you does not exist
I thought
someone like you
can't even be real
But with all that
you suddenly do
You make the world around me
change

I hear them say
you can't be real
Whom do I have to believe?
When all that happened nearly each time
before
I've lost this all
And I still have something left in me
to keep losing
I can't lose you

silently (whispering the scream)

2009-12-26T12:32:00.000-08:00

The words
Coming out of my mouth
Silently
Whispering the scream
That suffocates the dream
living within

Come what should come
Leave me
Overboard
with all
The words unsaid
The prices unpaid
Come life
Choose someone instead of me
I was always
watching
How everything passed
When keeping pain
inside
And wanting to be never changed
Keep my mind
the way it is
Let me be
eversleeping
The Thoughtthief

That's the lie
The little piece of burning blood
In me
Wants to break free
And finally explode

I'd fall
I'd cry out
And in a fantasy
Would you wipe my tears
And would you listen
How I beg you
To love me

The words
Coming out of my mouth -
- Wouldn't they scare you?
Wouldn't you just run?

And in a fantasy
I beg you
fallen down
on my knees
to love me
While in
The reality
I'm silently
Whispering the scream

2009-10-11T12:17:00.000-07:00

Leave me alone on the stage with the lights turned on
So I can take pics of myself till the mind is finally gone
I will sit on a chair wicked and already thin
Hands and arms don't move, I can't even breathe

Thoughts would be the only one thing left to kill me and at the same time to feed
I would close up my tired eyes
I won't turn off the light
So you're gonna see a scene where even a camera bleeds

reflections

2009-07-13T15:11:00.000-07:00

It feels like I've got
so many little pieces
of broken mirror
instead of my skin

Nothing was like I've thought
the world just teases
it's a sourse of terror
which is reflected in
me

It feels like I've got
my wings painted with blood
taken from your eyes
I am reflecting it

Nothing was like I've thought
my name which I forgot
becoming your lie
I am reflecting it
in me

everywhere

2008-05-03T07:56:00.000-07:00